Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Single Girl Special #2: How Deep into My Fridge Can I Go?

Readers* may be familiar with my Single Girl Special, my rice/egg/ranch concoction which, despite the list of ingredients, is amazing. For years it has stood alone, in my mind being the ultimate symbol of both a sparse pantry and an all-consuming desire to eat ranch dressing. However, the time has come to create the category of Single Girl Specials. That's right, I just made it plural. Obviously, there is the essential SGS, the purpose of which is to provide a vehicle to legitimately transport ranch into my mouth, but since a glance into my fridge and pantry provides my own perverse version of Chopped (you have 11-month-old ginger jam**, stale bread, a jar of mayonnaise that seems legit, and eggs; cook!) there is the other element of an SGS which is, what the hell can I make with the ingredients available? In all honesty, the majority of these concoctions elicit nothing but shame as I choke them down, my dedication to consumption fueled by little more than frugality, laziness and a desire to remain in pajamas all day, but occasionally I mangle something together and think, holy shit, this is amazing. Yesterday was one of those days.

Here's what you do:
Take a large flour tortilla (cold is fine as long as it will not break when you roll it);
spread some mayonnaise all over;
sprinkle with shredded cheddar;
add some sliced pickled jalapenos (this may vary depending on your preferred level of heat);
and finally, top all that with Doritos. Mine were Cool Ranch because, hello, ranch, but any flavor will do. Roll that sucker up and chow down on awesomeness.
The only thing that would make this wrap more amazing would be to swap out the mayo for ranch which, sadly, was missing from my fridge. If some of that liquid gold was available I would have eaten five of these wraps, or at least two, considering I only had two tortillas.

Don't I look delicious? Of course I do!

There you have it, Single Girl Special #2. Bachelors aren't the only scavengers in this world.

*If I have any remaining. Has it been a year?

**You may ask, good lord, why don't you throw that away? For one, there's nothing growing in it so it does not pose an immediate danger and two, every time I clean out my fridge I overlook it. Sneaky bastard.

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